Thank you to everyone who’s posted comments here, sent emails, and to those who are reading this afraid to post a comment. Personally, I’m feeling weird… I’m not able to put into words the feelings I’m having.

This isn’t the first time I’ve attended the funeral of a family member or a friend, but it is the first time I’ve been to a funeral when I felt I truly knew who it was that had passed away. It’s so odd and so hard to accept. Last night, I spoke to Grant a bit about this feeling, and the only thing I could really say is that I couldn’t believe she had died. I went to the viewing. I went to the funeral. I watched them bury her. I saw my family come together and console each other. I remember my grandfather telling me what happened. I remember very vividly the feeling I had when I first saw her in the funeral home. I remember how frail and scared I felt being in that room, so out of place and disconnected. I remember being mortified at the thought of going up to her casket, so I didn’t go (and regardless of what some say about it, I don’t regret it one bit — she’s not really there, it’s just her body). I still can’t quite figure out the feeling I have concerning everything. I almost can’t believe this is part of reality now, and that thought makes me feel crazy. How it happened — Maw-Maw had surgery about a year and a half ago to remove a bone spur that was causing her so much pain. The doctor said the anesthetic they gave her never quite left her system, and slowly over time it began to affect her mind. Whenever I went out to Maw-Maw’s and Paw-Paw’s house, I can remember her asking when were ‘they’ going to let her go home. Paw-Paw had to take care of her, had to start cleaning house and cooking, and my parents were getting worried about him, too. Maw-Maw was put in the hospital 6 weeks ago, and 3 weeks ago Paw-Paw moved her to a rest home. If you knew my grandmother at all, then you knew her as a very strong woman who was never afraid to speak her mind. She is the type of person that, if she’s somewhere she doesn’t want to be, she won’t stay long and she’ll do something about it to make her situation better. She never wanted to be in a rest home, and I think though her mind was failing she knew where she was. On Sunday March 5, she went to sleep sometime around 6pm, and for the next three days no one was able to wake her up. At 10:05pm on March 8, still asleep, about 30 minutes after Uncle Andy (her other son) finally made it to the rest home, she passed away with Mom, Dad, Uncle Andy, and Paw-Paw by her side. I love her so much, I always will.

P.S. – Something I forgot to mention… the day after Maw-Maw passed away, it rained pretty heavily. Around 5:30pm, my sister and I stepped outside to get our umbrellas to bring in, and there was a huge rainbow in the sky! As we watched, it turned into a double rainbow… it was so beautiful, and my only regret is not having my camera nearby….